This morning I followed my routine... I showered, read a little and noodled on my guitar...then I headed off to work. I felt for some odd reason that I didn't want to follow the normal route (101 E to 56th St) instead i opted to drive down Union Hills all the way to Tatum blvd. I sang along to worship songs...though I didn't really feel like it. I attempted to remember the things that I was grateful for... one of them was simply the fact that there was another way to get to the store...
I've been continuing my reading of The Grand Weaver, by Ravi Zacharias. I hit a section about finding our "Calling" according to God. Ravi has some very interesting ideas... I love when you're reading a book and an idea is provocative enough to make you hit the brakes...
A calling is simply God's shaping of your burden and beckoning you to your service to him in the place and pursuit of his choosing...A call may not necessarily feel attractive to you, but it will tug on your soul in an inescapable way, no matter how high the cost of following it may be.
Ravi actually shares that he has held two lifelong dreams. One was to open a restaurant of his own, the other- to be a professional cricket player. - that makes everybody laugh for some reason? Apparently both dreams haunt him from time to time to this very day. But Ravi knew he was called to evangelize, particularly in hostile environments.
How fortunate are we that people like Ravi who have added tremendously to the furthering of the gospel had come to submit their lives to fulfilling not simply what they desired, but what God had in mind for them... I have to admit I do at times feel like I have a dream and I just want God to back me up... when in actuality I should simply find what God's dream for my life is... and follow Him.
God trained Moses in a palace to use him in a desert. He trained Joseph in a desert to use him in a palace. Some come through winding paths, some through the nicely paved road of priviledged birth or influential friends. Others come through the visitation of circumstances with wanderings and sudden signposts. Finding one's calling is one of the greatest challenges in life, especially when one has gifts that fan out in many directions.
So I have an aptitude in music, to take it further I love doing it...it brings me tremendous satisfaction to write songs and perform them... It makes me feel more like me... like i'm doing what i was designed to do. I also know I have an academic mind, and a heart for contributing to the lives of others... and I feel evangelism is the most important work any person could do...whether on a small or larger scale. I have always imagined doing both, in the sense that I would always leave it open to minister and share with others while in the music industry... but I can't help but think about how Ravi could have felt the same way about opening a restaurant. He would likely have been a great person to his clients and employees and shared the gospel within his sphere of influence. But how different would the WORLD and millions of lives be without RZIM (Ravi Zacharias International Ministries)?
"I wanna be a rock n' roll singer,
I wanna be a rock n' roll star..."
(I just couldn't resist quoting AC/DC in the middle of all this serious pontification.)
The real challenge is to ponder how we come to terms with God's sovereign working and how we respond to his plan and calling. This is where our hopes and dreams often become confused with our capacities and our calling...
During my first semester of college I recall taking a UNI 100 course. We had a bohemian-type professor who consistently stressed the importance of "finding ourselves." One day she led us in an exercise where we closed our eyes and sat silently for a while. She talked us through a scenario, fast forwarding time by 10 years and then suggested a number of questions like, "Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with..etc..." To this day I can hear her calm, leading voice...
I imagined myself waking up next to someone, presumably my wife, the bed was purely white, white sheets, comforters and pillows held together by a dark vintage metal frame. I brewed a pot of coffee for two and then walked over to the balcony of our 2nd story condominium and opening the windows that swung inwardly, I took notice of a beautifully overcast monday morning. I was in San Fransisco the fog common in the early hours was telling enough.
After breakfast and a short conversation I would head down the street through enormous slopes which the bay area is known for. The air was slightly humid and cool and cars were lined up for miles to usher in a new work week. Eventually I would land at an unmarked building along the busiest street in town... I was a musician heading into another day at the recording studio to finish out our latest project...I was tired and slightly stressed, but excited to see what the day would bring... This was the life I had imagined.
My life might not look like this at all...and I guess i'm mostly ok with it. If i'm truly honest a part of me is resistant to letting it all go. Truth be told, life would not be paradise if I had every bit of that dream... life is life.
It brings with it trouble, pain, and we have to barrel through it most of our days. We all hold elusive dreams, idealisms... but reality often suprises us...and we know that even the greatest of fantasies will ultimately disappoint us or they won't last. But maybe this is also a liberating thought. To hope for so much more than doing great things in this life...and enjoying it. The truth is, you might win a pulitzer, be the next Claude Monet, make your mark on wallstreet or write the next best selling album or book... and you might be remembered for years to come, save a place in history for yourself, have monuments or statues in your honor...but you won't be here to enjoy any of that...
at the end of this life...it will only matter who and how many people you took with you to eternity... so what should this look like in my own life? More questions...
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