Wandering

What a long week it's been.

I had a draining week...it's astonishing when i consider the amount of happenings that can occur in that relatively small space between the ears... a seemingly infinite galaxy exists...it's often a smokey battlefield... of course the heart as we often euphemistically refer to it as plays an enormous role as well. sometimes i wish both organs were merely anatomical. physiology is easier to deal with, less abstract at least. Each day of this week, i wrestled with myself, with the enemy, with a world i can't seem to understand and though I refuse to lose, by the end I was simply exhausted.

where's the soul i wanna know?

I spent friday night and most of saturday locked up in a recording studio... I really had to make myself do it...and during the session yesterday a piece of my equipment crapped out on me... I thought, "are you kidding me?" Nevertheless, I drove down to guitar center and picked up a new unit because I was determined to proceed. Did i mention I nailed my little toe right into the wall also? It bled and swelled and caused me a good amount of grief...but again I was very intent on finishing my project... and so i kept on... until my throat was raw and it literally hurt to swallow... 8 hours of singing...sweating...and working... and i loved it.

in some ways i really felt more like myself this weekend than i have in months...and i needed it i think.

The apologetics thing on Wednesday went pretty well I believe... again i didn't feel quite prepared because my partner in the venture had a rough week as well... so i did what i could... this time it was very low tech (as opposed to hi tech) and i just really...talked to the attendees... and felt more in my element... at some point i really started to lose the nervousness i get from public speaking... i felt like myself, just communicating...and that was neat.

Today, i helped Brad move out of his broken house... my soar and achy arms tell me that i'm much too out of shape... i can't believe how much furniture he has...

it was a big day of transition...

change, change...change is everywhere, and all the time. as surely as the world revolves...with precise consistency...so our lives revolve, dissolve in some cases...and then evolve.

Time it tells us what we're left with...

We attended a new church today, suffice it to say it was Good. My initial impulse is to say that "I enjoyed it," but i've been trying to shy away from using that sort of trite terminology when referring to church sermons, services and the like. Often times we talk about a worship service as we do a movie we just viewed... with an equal amount of irreverence.. "i liked it," "i didn't like it..." we forget that the word of God has been spoken...that people have gathered to seek God.

Of course the sermon today was on relationships... a real part of me thought, "oh great like i'm interested in one of those..." nevertheless, I listened attentively.

At some point I felt a little hope for the future... Truth of the matter is I might one day be married, I might not... But, should my life bring me to a partner some day I do really desire to be the best husband i can be... i want to learn from the million mistakes i've made in my life time... equally as imperative is that i learn from the mistakes and successes of others... the author who spoke today had some very insightful, relevant and practical things to say about the differences between men and women... she conducted extensive surveys for her book and shared many of the findings with us this morning...

I think we'll attend this church again next week. Though I hope to get plugged in to a home church eventually, for the moment i don't mind the search...

I feel at ease, wandering...