Carpe Diem

I'm home now...it's a little late and I should start thinking about bed, but there's caffeine in my system compliments of starbucks at 59th and T-bird, plus I haven't been sleeping well as of late. It was a quiet day... this morning I drove my car on fumes and had it actually coughing as I rolled into the gas station... after I filled up and headed off to work I can't tell you how thankfull i was at that moment for something as simple as a full tank of gas.

I've been thinking more about gratitude lately... how it goes hand in hand with seizing the day. It's virtually impossible to live in the moment without appreciation... Last night during prayer I simply thanked God for two functioning legs and arms, a sound mind, eyes that could experience the vibrant colours of life... ears that could receive music... family, friends... shelter...my salvation... all the things i take for granted so often, the smell of fall.

At this point in my life it's difficult to look to the future... i am still just scared to hope because i'm scared of disappointment... and the past is mixed at best...with as many sorrows as fond memories... plus, even the good times cannot again be retrieved... I can look to the distant future beyond the few measily years ahead to the eternal... but anything less of that makes me anxious... so i look to the finer details of each day... the small moments and things that are beautiful... the things i tend to miss quite easily... this is my best attempt at living more in the moment.

today it was gasoline in my truck, my imperfect family, the beauty of the skies in my rear view mirror as i drove into the setting sun this evening... seeing God work in my friend, an international phone call, the feeling of cold...

I know eventually I will hope and dream again....and i know i will again face disappointments, that's life. but for now... i'm ok with the details... counting my bite sized blessings...

i might not be laughing to the point of tears right now, but there is beauty in a soft, understated smile...