hmm....

We are experiencing a "cold front" this week, the result of tornado winds that blew in Sunday afternoon. Ok I'm being dramatic, but It was quite windy. Louie, Jerry and I were trying to throw a small football at their parents house on Sunday and it was nothing short of ridiculous; the gusts of wind paid little attention to our aim...The only thing more ridiculous was the three of us trying to fly Jerry's red, styrofoam, remote control plane at the park. Dwarf football, red toy plane and 3 grown men...we must have looked awfully silly, but the laughter, I wouldn't trade for much.

So it's not really cold, I mean it's colder, but not necessarily cold and so spring is undeniably in progress. I know this because I've been sneezing the last couple of days. We were blessed with some rainfall this winter and it was just lovely, but now we're paying for it in histamine reactions. Although it feels really good to sneeze sometimes, it makes me feel alive.

Last week was long...and heavy, but I found God continually communicating to me.

I'm still very unsure about the future. It's frustrating at times, but I came to some realizations over the weekend. In general terms, I know that I am still far from truly surrending.

Sometimes we seek God for answers and yet He appears to be silent. We wait and wait...but we hear nothing. I've started to wonder though, if I'm really the one doing the waiting... I've asked God about what my next steps should be because I'm really so unsure, but the question I am forced to ask myself is: "Do I really want to hear what God has to say?" I mean I feel like I really do and on most days I can convince myself that I would absolutely follow through... but if God told me an answer that wasn't appealing to me...am I really surrendered enough to trust Him? Maybe God's been waiting on me?

When I pray for an answer, do I want God to agree with me? Or am I ready to agree with Him no matter the cost?