About Me

Phoenix, AZ, United States

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


Possibly the broadest title for a blog... life. There has been so much going on lately... an immense amount of change to adjust to. It's been the longest summer of my life...and it appears there be no end in sight.
The days are unbearably warm and long... the nights even longer. I'm stuck in a hole...but i'm fighting because that's what i do... but even fighters lose...the best are forced to forfeit their glittery belts, I just wish my opponent was as clear as a man with red over sized gloves... instead i spar with uncertainty, dashed hopes, broken dreams...a broken heart, loneliness, disconnectedness... and i'm not at all sure how to strike back... It's been raining. Raining for months... but just in my head. i'm tired, broken...and i feel like i've been broken for sometime now. Just when I think the sun is bound to arise a midst the darkly clouds... it starts up again... another downpour.... this is so hard.

So I will wait for you to come and rescue me
Come and give me life

It's common in times of great distress to ask, why? It's because we want to find meaning in suffering...we want to know that there is a point to it all... but that takes faith to believe...it takes faith to believe something we cannot see. At the moment i can't seem to muster it up... i'm exhausted. I dared to dream... but now i'm broken. Sometimes the most beautiful of dreams devastate us... we can actually get hurt by them... i guess i'm pretty shaken now... i'm afraid for the first time in my life to hope again. Sometimes all we can do is pray to be rescued... That has been my cry for sometime... but God seems silent... He seems distant and all I have to hold on to is His promise that He would never leave me nor forsake me...but i can't feel that right now... i feel completely alone.

Friends come and go, people change, dreams fade, hearts break, all in the name of life happening... And Life ain't kind. it's cold and cruel and relentless... maybe it's all a roll of the dice? Maybe there is no rhyme or reason... maybe the reasons are completely beyond us. Maybe i'm losing.

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