New years eve/day.

It is officially new years in California now. At the moment, I'm sitting outside alone by the hotel's swimming pool. The lobby of our residence just experienced an influx of airline pilots and what looks like their significant others...for those who have them and people are wishing one another a happy new year. We spent our evening at "downtown disney," which is a neat attraction right next to disneyland and then headed back to our room... I must have been exhausted because I fell asleep on a 30 minute commute...and woke up to Tim telling me happy new year as we neared the hotel. It's strange not being home for new years eve... I feel somewhat dissatisfied at the anticlimactic evening... but it really isn't a big deal.

All around the world people got together with friends, family, strangers, communities for fireworks, champagne, excessive hats and glasses, confetti, parties and heavily populated strips, bars and restaurants to usher in the occasion; others spent quiet evenings at home, or at work, or in foreign countries thousands of miles from home, alone, separated from loved ones...or simply without... stark contrasts, so it is with life.

Nevertheless, another year has gone...



This morning Tim and I went to Santa Monica Beach to read, think and enjoy some quiet time... I read just a few pages of A Severe Mercy again; the particular section about Vanauken's Illumination period of Davy resonated with me. He talks about how there simply is not time enough in this life... not to live it like we truly desire to. We are always on the clock, life is always passing us by...though we try so hard to find "timeless moments." Of course, this speaks of our longing for a timeless reality.

I feel this most of the time...tonight I feel it much deeper.

I'm not sure how i feel about the coming year, which is a bit strange for me since I generally know exactly how I feel about something at any given moment. I feel cold because i'm outside early in the morning during winter. I feel fatigued because it's been an extremely eventful week, half of which was spent on the road... and I feel a mixture of reluctance and invitation at the thought of returning home... but as far as the new year is concerned...I simply don't know right now...

It's been an interesting year...and one I will not soon forget. It's been a year of change, drastic change and this not only for me, but also for so many around me. It's been one of adversity, of brokenness, failure, of love and loss and regrets... and a year of immense growth...learning.

If there's one major thing I'm looking for in the new year, it would be Redemption in 2008.